"Mmmmph, mmmm, oww, mmmmph. Owww! Hold on, hold on, the doorknob is jammed into my back. Ok, that's better. Mmmm.
Slow down sweetheart...stop. Oh God, that feels good. Just let me get the door unlocked...there!"
"You're sure your room mate won't be home tonight?"
"Positive, but just in case..."
"Seriously? A sock over the door?"
"Universal code for go away I am getting me some."
"Works for me. Now where were we..."
"Hold on. Hold on...whoe there. Keep your shirt on, well for a few more minutes anyway.. I have to get something."
"You keep your condoms in the kitchen drawer? I would think your bedroom would be more appropriate."
"No, not my condoms. This. I need you to sign it."
"Sign it? What is it?"
"A contract. For my protection. And yours too."
"We're just going to have sex. Not get married."
"I know. It's a sexual contract. It states that if you get pregnant, I'm not financially responsible."
"If I get what? Steve, I'm on the pill! And you're going to use a condom."
"But accidents happen and no amount of birth control is one hundered percent. And I don't want to be a father. So this will protect me against that. It also protects you."
"Well it also states that if you do become pregnant I will not now or anytime in the future try to claim rights to the child. Also, if you do become pregnant I will cover half the cost of termination if you decide you don't want to be a mother."
"You'll pay for an abortion, but you won't pay to support the child."
"No. This falls under the medical clause."
"Any medical condition that occurs because of our sexual encounter."
"Any medical condition...Steve, what are you saying."
"STD's. If you become infected by any sexually transmitted disease as a result of our relationship I have a medical fund set up to take care of that. Pregnancy falls into the catagory of medical condition. But only as far as termination. It doesn't cover pre natal care if you choose to have the baby."
"Do you have any STD's?!?"
"Not that I know of, but you never know. That cute blonde I brought home yesterday looked like she'd been around the block a few times."
"You were with someone else yesterday?!?"
"Well a couple of girls yesterday. There was the one that stayed all night and we had a little fun before breakfast. Man, was she wild. Then there was that girl in the bathroom at school...at least I think she was a girl. You can't always tell these days. But with what she did, there was no chance of pregnancy, so I didn't need the contract."
"I think I'm going to be sick."
"Hmmm, maybe you're already pregnant..."
"I'm not pregnant you dillweed!"
"Okay. Well just sign this and then we can get down to business."
"I'm not signing that! I'm leaving."
"I’m Stacy and eww, don’t touch me! Just leave me alone."
"Wonder what her problem is. Oh well, the nights still young...Hello, Monica? This is Steve. You have any plans for tonight?"
copyright 2011 Lisa McCourt Hollar, All rights reserved